Sqzlflik, the New Prescription Drug
Do you ever get that feeling? You know. Yeah, that one. If so, you may need Sqzlflik.
In people aged 22 years and 8 months to 73 years and 5 days, Sqzlflik has been shown to alleviate that feeling.
Some people taking Sqzlflik have experienced minor complications including a lack of appreciation of good theater, or a compulsion to throw an old tennis ball exactly four times.
Tell your doctor immediately if you are pregnant or nursing, especially if you’re not a woman. People with kidney or liver problems may experience sensory scrambling or a desire to eat small rodents while on Sqzlflik.
In low doses, side effects of Sqzlflik may include diarrhea, constipation, excessive drooling, dry mouth, anxiety, apathy, alcoholism, a really specific fungal infection that can’t be discussed on television, loss of inhibition, too much inhibition, a sudden understanding of foreign languages, waking up in your neighbor’s house, waking up under your neighbor’s house, waking up under your neighbor, and not waking up at all.
People taking Sqzlflik should avoid baboons, especially trained baboons.
When that feeling hits, hit it back! Ask your doctor today about the drug named by a random letter generator: Sqzlflik.
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One Comment
Nathan Schneider
Oh thank you for this.
I have exhibited these symptoms taking Sqzlflik. Imagine my embarrassment having dry mouth and excessive drooling at the same time. Have you ever ordered a meal for your family entirely in Spanish, and getting it correct (I don’t speak Spanish for the record). The looks that go along, and the questions that come from such an encounter, totally unexplainable and unbelievable. But this has happened to me on a family trip to Costa Rica.
And the point about baboons, personally all I believe all Simians should be avoid. We narrowly missed a feces throwing event once, surrounded by these little hairy devils. Something about the hormones or something that is leached from your skin when taking Sqzlflik really seems to fire those little buggers up.
Key point to understand when taking Sqzlflik is that only moderate doses doe you exhibit these side effects. New studies are showing that if you double or even triple your dosage the side effects are almost minimal. There is the occasional anal leakage, but nothing worse than when consuming Olestra from Frito-Lay chips. If consumed with Red Smarties (a contraband candy only available in Canada), these symptoms do disappear entirely. So If you can make friends with a Canadian, and secure a supply of red smarties you will be thankful for it.
🙂